Monday, June 04, 2012

Comedy Skit: The Waiter & The Customer

Waiter: Hi welcome, we like to make sure our customer is satisied here at TGI-
Customer: yeah that fine and dandy but I don't care, can I get a coke
Waiter: oh is pepsi okay
Customer: You know what I’ll just get a burger
Waiter: ribs okay
Customer: Just tell me where the restroom is
Waiter: Is bathroom okay?
Customer: Whatever just tell me where it is
Waiter: Okay you are going to take a left and the bathroom is on the right, unless you are sitting on the left side then the mens room is on the LEFT and the bathroom is on the right
Customer: let me speak to your manager
Waiter: Supervisor okay?
Supervisor: Is there a problem sir?
Customer: Yes this waiter has really been anoying me
waiter: Is pestering okay
Customer: See he won’t give me what I want
Waiter: Is what you need okay
Customer: See?
Supervisor: I can’t see but I have examined your perspective
Customer: I have been completely unsatisfied
Supervisor:that is unacceptable, here @ T.G.I Tuesday-
Customer: Wait I thought this was TGI Friday’s
Supervisor: Oh no we are their spin off TGI Tuesdays
Customer: okay I’ll just go to olive garden
Waiter: Is sizzler okay?
Customer: you know what yes it is okay
Waiter: Oh sorry it’s closed
Customer: (screams) I can’t take it anymore, I can’t have coke I have to have pepsi, I can’t have a burger I have to have ribs, I can’t use the bathroom I have to use the men’s room, I can’t even talk to the manager I have to settle for a supervisor?
Supervisor: hey I’m right here
Customer: I don’t care anymore I just want to eat, I’m going to mcdonalds
Waiter: is burger king okay
Customer: NO!!!!!!

The Craigslist Ad Posted By The Enterprising Young Woman

Original ad and reply from

This was the question:

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York . I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.
Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

And this is the answer:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease. In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. Classic "pump and dump."

I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

A small comparison between US and India

A small comparison between US and India:
Per Capita income: India Rs. 53331 US $ 41663 =Rs.2333128 (ratio: 1 : 44);
Oil consumption: Ind 2.409/1000 Barrel p.a. US 22.6/1000 barrel p.a. (ratio 1 : 10.8);
GDP growth: Ind 8.9% - US 2.2% (ratio 4:1);
Oil price in last 2 weeks: India increase 11%; US decreases 10% (fall out 19% higher in India);
Current oil price at pump: US Rs.54 per litre app – India Rs.76 per litre app. (40% higher in India);
How burdensome it is on a consumer to bleed out money thru his nose from his meager income level – the impact is equivalent as if the US consumer pays Rs.3300 per litre ( he pays only Rs.54) ; and, that is when our consumption is less than 10% from their; when our economy is growing at a 4 times faster rate than their.
Basic economic principle is when economy grows your currency strengthens – ours is going deepSouth (because some bank accounts in the West are ballooning).
Govt. may give 999 reasons for this. The actual reason is ONE and ONLY ONE:
T H E Y A R E L O O T I N G T H E C O U N T R Y.